Satisfyer Wand-er Woman Quiet Wand Vibrator Review   New!

Ya know what I love about my job as a sex toy tester and reviewer? I don’t have to follow that golden rule I was taught growing up: “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Ha. Please. As if I could keep my mouth shut or my fingers still. Not when it comes to the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman wand vibrator.

Now seems like a great time to remind people that not everything can be a winner. Not every product is a great product. I don’t love every single sex toy that I test to review. It may not be particularly frequent, but it occasionally happens that I just don’t like a toy. This is one of those toys.

Timing is everything. A few days ago, I received an order I placed from a retailer that included a Satisfyer product. The sticker on the box touting something about “World’s Best Selling Brand” with “Loved by 100 million” and “100k Amazon reviews.” Given what you’re about to read, maybe you’ll understand why I stood there rolling my eyes at that very sticker.

The Basics of Satisfyer Wand-er Woman

Marketed as an “XXL” magic wand style vibrator, the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman measures in at 35cm / 13.78″ long. It has a tapered handle with a very slight curve, and is wrapped in body-safe silicone. The head of the wand is smaller than most full-size magic wand vibrators with a 17.25cm / 6.79″ circumference. Just below the neck of the wand is a thin “chrome” ABS plastic adornment. The device is available in 3 different colors: Black with gold, Purple with gold, or White with bronze. It weighs 467.13g / 16.48oz.

The wand vibrator has an IPX7 rating, meaning that it can be fully submerged in water for up to 30 minutes at a depth of 1 meter or 3.28ft. The device is controlled with 3 buttons, and has 10 vibration patterns and 6 intensities each, however the Satisfyer website says 5 intensities, while the user manual also says 6. The device is also marketed as a quiet wand, with “Whisper mode.” It is rechargeable with a USB magnetic charging cable included, as well as a 15 year warranty.

Charging and Cleaning the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman Vibrator

Thanks to the IPX7 rating, cleaning the Wand-er Woman vibrator by Satisfyer is quite easy. Using your preferred antibacterial, unscented soap and some warm water, rinse your device, lather it up with the soap, and then rinse it again. You should always wash your sex toys both before and after each use, especially if you’re inserting a device. That may not be as common of a use with this particular vibrator, but I know enough people who like inserting wand heads into themselves that I feel the need to remind everyone of the importance of properly cleaning procedures!

If you need to do a deeper clean of the vibrator, you should not boil it nor place it in the oven or dishwasher. To sanitize the vibrator, your only option is to soak in a 1:10 bleach:water mixture for about 10 minutes. Once it’s done soaking, properly wash the vibrator off and allow it to dry thoroughly before you store it or charge it.

Speaking of charging, the device comes with a magnetic charging cord. To charge the device, plug the USB end of the cord into a USB port or charging block, then attach the magnetic end to the device. The device’s charging port is on the back side of the handle, furthest from the head. The lights on the buttons will flash to indicate it is charging, then go steady once charging is complete. The charging time is approximately 7 hours, with each charge lasting an estimated 1 hour.

How to Use Satisfyer Wand-er Woman

Once you’ve allowed the Wand-er Woman vibrator to fully charge, using the wand vibe is really easy. The top button, a squiggly line closest to the head of the vibrator, powers the device on and off as well as switching between vibration modes. Press and hold the button for 2 seconds to power on the device, then use the + and – to switch between intensities and the same squiggly line button to switch between vibration modes. To power off the device, press and hold the squiggly line button for 2 seconds again.

Depending on your preferences and how you’re using the wand vibrator, you may wish to have a barrier between your anatomy and the device or you may wish to use a lubricant. You should only use water-based lubes with silicone toys like this one. Apply some lube to your anatomy and/or the head of the wand.

If you are using the wand for a full body massage, you can use massage oil to reduce frictoin, however, you need to properly and thoroughly wash the device between using massage oil and using on a clitoris or penis. Massage oils are not intended for internal use, and may disrupt the natural biomes of a vagina or anus.

My Experiences with the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman

While attending the Altitude trade show in Las Vegas one year, I spent time chatting with a few of the Satisfyer sales reps. One of them kindly gave me an armful of products in hopes that I’d eventually review them or convince one of my retailer partners to carry them. As it turns out, none of my retail partners carry the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman. Outside of receiving gifts in the past from Satisfyer sales reps at trade shows, I have no affiliation with the brand whatsoever.

Which means I don’t feel bad in saying this: I didn’t love the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman. Heck, I’d go so far as to say I didn’t even like the wand vibrator.

I’m not the biggest fan of wand vibrators to begin with, so I’m unsurprised. Wand vibrators are typically pretty powerful, loud, and have a broad contact area. I prefer less powerful, quiet, and far more precision. When I’m reaching for vibrators for external use, I’m almost always reaching for a bullet vibrator or a g-spot vibrator (a curved neck goes a long way for those of us with physical disabilities).

Before I dive too deep, I have to say that even the name of the wand is cringe. Wand-er Woman? Seriously? When will mainstream sex toy companies stop gendering products needlessly?! Wand vibrators are for every body. They can be used on a penis, on a clitoris, on a perineum, on nipples… There is no reason to gender a wand vibrator, ya’ll. None.

Ok, now that that is out of the way, I can move on.

Holding the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman was probably the best part of the device for me, because it is pretty comfortable to hold. The tapered handle meant that I could grip the vibrator almost anywhere on the handle and find a good spot for my hand. This became increasingly helpful when I was diagnosed with tendinitis in my wrist, forcing me to switch to larger handled toys or toys I can use hands-free. The Wand-er Woman isn’t a hands-free vibrator for me, but the handle gave me options for where I wanted to hold it and I was able to do so without further irritating my tendinitis.

Even with a smaller head size than other wand vibrators in my collection, the head of the Wand-er Woman is still too big for me to get what I prefer: pinpoint stimulation. The smaller head is somewhere between the Blush Wellness Eternal Wand and the Le Wand Rechargeable Wand. I know that some people like the larger contact surface, and that’s wonderful for them! I’m on the opposite side of the spectrum where smaller contact surfaces just feel better to me and my anatomy.

The contact surface size wasn’t even the worst part of the Wand-er Woman for me. It was the vibration intensity levels. I am very, very rarely a vibration patterns user. Occasionally, I like vibration patterns internally, but I’m not using this vibrator for that purpose. I’m using it externally, where patterns just annoy me. With 6 intensity levels on the vibrator, one would think I could find one that worked for me.

Nope.

The vibrations themselves have a low frequency, which makes them feel less buzzy and less powerful. The vibrations on the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman don’t feel buzzy, but they’re not deep and rumbly like the VIM Wand. They’re not powerful like the Original Magic Wand or Le Wand Rechargeable Massager. I even sat holding the vibrator by the head, with the power turned on, for several minutes and did not walk away with vibrator fingers or vibrator hand. I tried that with every single other wand vibrator in my collection and ended up with vibrator hand after 30-60 seconds of holding the head.

As I do with every vibrator that can be used externally, I also tried the wand on Cassie, fully charged and ready to go. Lowest intensity? Nothing, no reaction, no response, nothing. Ok fine, turn it up. Second lowest? Still no reaction from her. Third, fourth, fifth, sixth intensities later, I hear Cassie finally ask me “can we use my wand instead?” And the thing is, is that Cassie really loves magic wand vibrators. She loves them far more than I do!

Ya’ll… Both Cassie and I are very lucky in that we are both very easy to make orgasm. And I do mean “very easy!” Neither of us has issues achieving orgasm, but both of us tried the Wand-er Woman and neither of us could get there with it.

The times I tried using the wand, I can recognize and appreciate that yes, ok, the Wand-er Woman did help me warm up. It helped my body catch up to my mental arousal. However, no matter what I paired it with, it never had me squirming, shaking, moaning, crying out, or any other pleasurable, uncontrollable response that is typical for me. I pressed it against my labia, I spread my labia, I pressed it against my clit, I put a barrier between my anatomy and the wand, I tried everything I knew to try and still this wand failed to get me to orgasm. It failed to get my wife, Cassie, to orgasm. Heck, I even thought after trying Laya III that low frequency vibrators could work for me so I purposefully revisited the Wand-er Woman after testing Laya III, and nothing.

I tried, ya’ll. I really, really did. I wanted to like it. I want to like every vibrator and sex toy in my collection, but the fact is that not every sex toy works for me. Just like not every sex toy will work for you. The Satisfyer Wand-er Woman did not work for me or Cassie. Maybe it would work for someone who likes low frequency vibrators.

Pros:

• very quiet
• tapered handle accommodates a variety of hand sizes
• waterproof submersible
• rechargeable
• less than $100/€100 on Satisyfer’s site
• 6 vibration intensities for each of the 10 vibration modes
• low frequency, rumbly vibrations

Cons:

• low frequency vibrations are not strong even on the highest intensity
• vibration travels to handle
• neither my trans wife nor I were able to achieve orgasm
• 7 hour charging time for 1 hour of use is absurd

My Final Thoughts on Satisfyer Wand-er Woman

I know that I’m not the target customer for the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman, but even knowing that, I still did not like this vibrator. Sure, it’s quiet and rumbly, but it’s lacking power. I can appreciate the curved handle and the waterproof IPX7 rating, but neither of those are strong enough reasons for me to recommend this wand. It’s affordably priced for a wand, which is nice, but if I were a regular wand user and I spent that money to get this, I’d be pissed off at the money wasted.

It’s not even that I dislike Satisfyer, because I don’t! I really love my Pro 2 Gen 3. I love it so much that I repurchased one when my old one finally died on me. I enjoyed the Orca and the Glowing Ghost. I may be critical of the brand, but that’s literally my job here. Frankly, I just think the Wand-er Woman is a bad vibrator, period.

If I haven’t completely put you off of the Satisfyer Wand-er Woman, it’s available for purchase from Satisfyer directly. I don’t have an affiliate link and none of my retail partners carry it… and I understand why.