Did you know it’s already Halloween?? Because I sure as heck didn’t. I don’t know where this year has gone at all… I thought time got all wibbly wobbly during the lockdown but I was wrong. 2020 looks like a breeze in comparison to 2022. I don’t know where the time has gone and I don’t really know what date it is any more and I should probably be concerned?
2022 started off terribly if I’m being real with ya’ll. For my girlfriend’s bday, I threw a surprise get together at a hot dog place with a few of her close friends, but someone showed up sick and ended up giving everyone there the ‘rona. Starting the year off with the ‘rona after skillfully and carefully avoiding it prior was embarrassing and infuriating. I was so upset that in this day and age where covid is running rampant that someone would show up knowing that they were sick!! Even 2 weeks after I stopped showing symptoms, my covid tests were coming back positive so I had to cancel 2 weeks of scenes that I had booked that I was really excited about. It kind of set the tone for the way the rest of this year has gone…
With February came a new slew of issues that fucked with my brain. My relationship almost ended and I almost lost my best friend. It felt like my world was imploding and I was powerless to do anything. But with any good relationship came hours, days, and honestly even weeks of communicating, trying to find things that work for us as solutions, and re-writing terms of our relationship. It’s been a rocky struggle for me because I love my partner and I want her to have the things in life that she wants, but I also don’t feel healed from my own trauma and that’s caused its own issues. Thankfully, we’re now in a far better place than we were earlier this year.
As the months have progressed, I’d love to say that things have improved… and in some cases they have. But it’s like 2022 won’t stop throwing punches. Business relationships ending, mental health declining, testing my own limits with things and finding out that I went past where I should have.
Which finally led me to getting some much needed help. I’ve suspected for years that I’m on the spectrum and that I have ADHD, but when I tried to get tested for ADHD specifically when I was younger, the symptoms I have weren’t yet recognized as ADHD symptoms. I pushed the thoughts out of my head for years and did my best to get thru life. When the pandemic hit, things got harder for me. I was no longer working in a vanilla office setting and therefore unable to mask “normal behavior” off my colleagues. The longer the pandemic went on, the more I really saw how bad it was and how deeply it effected my day to day life. When my partner and I moved in together, I did a lot of masking off her, but when her mental health tanked, it effected me. I started feeling the same things she was feeling. I started spiraling… hard. I finally had to get help. I couldn’t not do it anymore. Not just therapy help, because that wasn’t enough. So I finally saw a psychiatrist and got formal diagnosis and it’s been an absolute game changer. I’m not perfect and doubt I ever will be, but getting help for my ADHD has improved literally every aspect of my life and I’m trying not to beat myself up for not doing it sooner!!
My birthday was last week and gosh. Despite getting so sick that I was out of commission for filming & working for over a week, I managed to get better just in time to celebrate birthday week! I can’t believe I turned 35. My girlfriend put together a lil birthday party for me with some wonderful friends, but she knows how greedy I am to celebrate me, so it was a full week of celebrations. Had some non-industry friends over for chocolate fondue, then tacos & hangs with industry friends, some time just with my girlfriend, and even a spicy lil foursome with another industry couple! 
Which, on that note… FUCK. YA’LL. OMG. I haven’t slept with anyone new off camera since… ahem. 2018. Everyone I’ve slept with since then was either a – on camera, or b – someone I’d already slept with before. You’d think that with the uptick in how much XXX porn I’m filming, I’d have some more off camera exploits with sexy folks. I was really nervous about being rusty in my flirtations, my sex, all of it. Thankfully, it was probably the best group encounter I could have asked for! And now I’m over here wondering to myself… “Whose going to be next?”
oh. How could I forget the biggest, fluffiest, silliest part of this year?! Cassie and I adopted a puppy!! In May, we went to a couple shelters in town trying to find a doggo that would fit her needs to get trained as a service dog. We didn’t really expect to find one that would work and we weren’t really trying to get a dog that day because we were traveling in a week, but of course that’s the day we found an adorable 5 week old litter of puppies that were rescued from what we were told was a fighting ring. And that’s the day we brought home Ravioli! Ravioli went from being a pint sized pup that we could easily hold in just our hands to over 70lbs at 7 months old. And he’s still growing.
Whew. So yea. That’s my year so far, ya’ll. It’s been an absolute roller coaster! I’m taking a bit of time off of filming collabs from the end of November until January 2023, but I’ve got so many amazing videos in my backlog that I’m excited to release during that time. I’ll be spending some time with family and doing some non-performing work… editing, marketing, expanding my ever growing empire, etc. There were honestly times during this year that I didn’t think I’d make it until the end, but I’m really glad that I have.