I’ve been doing sex work for about 15 years at this point. I started when I was 19, after returning from a semester abroad my sophomore year of college. I’m now 34 and doing sex work full time, but I haven’t always done this as my only full time career. In fact, until the pandemic, I also had a white collar career at a global beauty company as head of influencer marketing in the US. I guess you could say that I’m used to working under stressful conditions.
Frankly, sex work was always the more stressful career for me. I’ve never felt that customer service is my strong suit, and I’d go so far as to say that I absolutely hate doing it. Which is hilarious considering how much of sex work could very well boil down to being sexy customer service. My hate for customer service is why I worked towards careers that wouldn’t involve interacting with customers. And yet, here I am, thriving as a sex worker.
I’ve always found customer facing jobs and careers the most stressful. Customers are demanding, needing, and convinced that they’re always right. Handling that type of entitlement is stressful AF. For me, and I think many others, it’s why burn out happens so quickly and easily. It’s even worse when you don’t have a support system such as an office setting where you can vent to your peers and have folks that can truly empathize with you.
Which brings me to what I really want to focus on: burn out. Burn out fucking sucks, and for many of us, we don’t have the luxury of taking time off work regularly to avoid it. I’m not a licensed mental health professional, but I do know some things that do help avoid burn out and help combat it when it’s closing in.
Burn out can look different for a lot of people. For me, it feels like I’m losing control, I’m not sleeping well, I have more trouble focusing, I feel stuck, I don’t feel inspired or creative, and I isolate myself.
In an ideal world, none of us would have to work ourselves into the ground to make a living. But that’s not realistic in this capitalist hell society we’re living in. So how can we combat burn out?
Take Time Off
I know how ableist this one is. Not everyone can afford to take time off, not everyone has the luxury of being able to have alone time, not everyone can do this. I know. But the moment that you are able to take time off, do it. And I don’t mean take time off and maybe snap some selfies or tweet or any other “small” bit of work. If you’re working, it doesn’t matter how big or small the work is, you are working. Your time off shouldn’t just be time off socializing or grocery shopping or whatever. Your time off should be time to focus on you. Practice your hobbies, watch TV or a movie, play video games, read a book, go for a walk, do something that is specifically not work. You deserve it!!
Listen to Your Body & Mind
Your body will likely react to stress before you even recognize that it’s set in. Changes in appetite, sleep habits, arousal, mood, hair loss, pimples, etc can all be signs of stress. Your body deserves rest! If you push yourself too hard at the gym, your body tells you. If you push yourself too hard working, your body will try to tell you too, it just might be more subtle than sore muscles. Pay attention to your body and listen to it when it tries to tell you that you’re working too hard!
Find Support
This is usually where traditional jobs have a bit of an upper hand. When you work in an office or an environment surrounded by other people, you have people that you can talk to or rant with that fully empathize with you. And sharing rants with your peers is cathartic! Try to connect with other SWers who do the same type of work you do who are most likely to share the same stressors as you. You’re not alone… even if you live alone, even if you rarely see other humans, even if you work from home. You aren’t facing the issue of stress on your own! Connect with peers.
Make a Work Schedule
Make a Work ScheduleI was surprised at how much this helped me combat my burn out. When my GF moved in, she asked for some structure, so we started having regular work hours of 10am-6pm 5 days a week. Our days off aren’t the same week to week because it just doesn’t work well for us when it comes to shooting with others. But after 6pm, neither of us are working. We do not prioritize work. We do literally everything we can to avoid working. And it helps! We get to do activities together that we enjoy even if sometimes we’re both so tired that all we want to do is watch TV together.
Make Time to Play
Adults need to play too, just like kids! Playing stimulates our bodies and/or minds and allows us to do something that we could all use more of: Laughing. Play a board game or have a virtual hang out with friends where you play a game together. I think that as Americans, we’re sort of programmed to give up play time when we reach adulthood because only children play games, but having fun is vital for us! Do something fun, do something that makes you laugh, do something that makes you feel free. When adults let themselves play, they reduce stress and it boosts our mood. That sounds like a win to me!
Be Kind to Yourself
Seriously. We are so hard on ourselves for numerous reasons: we aren’t hitting goals, we didn’t finish something in the timeframe we put on ourselves, we’re not as ____ as someone else, etc. We are literally adding more pressure on ourselves when we do these things! You deserve to have your needs met by you. Remember what makes you happy, pay attention to your needs, and take care of you. Whether that’s doing some self pampering or cooking yourself your favorite meal or just recognizing how hard you’ve worked, you deserve to be good to you.
The adult industry is already hard enough that we don’t deserve to make things harder on ourselves by reaching the point of burnout. We deserve to take care of ourselves! Burnout is a direct result of capitalism telling us that we’re only valued if we’re productive, and that’s a hard mindset to break away from. But I’m here to remind you that your value is not correlated to how productive you are. You have value on your best days and your worst days.
When I feel like I’m about to hit the burn out point, here’s what I do for myself:
- take a step away from work, whether it’s for a few minutes, a few hours, or even a full day or two. Sometimes I can’t afford a day or two off work beyond my regular weekly days off, but when I can, I’m always glad to have them.
- pamper myself somehow. Face mask, hair mask, bubble bath, lather myself up with a nice body butter, paint my toes, etc.
- ask my friends to hang out in a non-work capacity.
- have some solo time. My girlfriend & I have 2 nights per week where we do our own thing. It doesn’t matter to me what she does and it doesn’t matter to her what I do. We have our own evenings to do with what we want.
- do a fun activity. My fun activities range from baking to board games, hiking to movie days, photography to trying a new restaurant, museums to cooking, painting to canoeing. Do something that makes you feel good about you!
- have a stretch or take a walk. Seriously. I used to hate hearing how movement can help combat burnout and stress and depression and anxiety and and and and and and… but it fucking helps and I’m only a little resentful about it.
- drink some water & have a small snack. Experts would probably tell you to make it a healthy snack and like, yea, that’s smart. But sometimes you just really need a cookie or a chocolate dipped strawberry. I know some foods aren’t always good for the body, but I deserve to have a bowl of ice cream every night if I please!
- pet my fur babies. Ok so technically one of my fur babies is causing a lot more stress than is ideal but he’s a silly puppy who doesn’t know any better yet! Spending time with either Dita or Ravioli is still a great way for me to take a breath and just relax, and then they’re happy too because they’re getting attention. Win win.
- spend time outside. This one is hard because I feel like death if I’m outside too long during the summer months, but when it’s not too hot out for me & my heat sensitivity, I love getting being outside. I love getting some sun. I love outdoorsy activities. I love just taking lil walks! I love having picnics!
So what do you do when you feel the impending doom of burn out setting in? I’d love to hear your thoughts! Leave a comment on how you take care of yourself.