Occasionally, a scene can get too intense for someone that they need the scene to either slow down or end. This is totally ok, because there are safe guards put in place, referred to as “safe words.” Safe words are chosen words or “trigger signals” made known to all parties before the start of a scene. The most common safe word system follows the traffic light system: “green” means continue, “yellow” means slow down, and “red” means stop. When scening, whether in a professional setting or a lifestyle setting, it is important to use safe words. Scenes are meant as pleasurable events, whether they involve something as “tame” as pantyhose bondage or as “intense” as corporal punishment.

When a submissive comes to Me stating that they “don’t use safe words” I see it as a huge red flag. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has limits, and it is extremely important as a Dominant to be aware of them. Even when limits are worked within, sometimes play can get too intense.

It isn’t until I have sessioned with a submissive multiple times that I’ll consider stopping the use of safe words. First, I need to have a very good & clear understanding of how someone responds to play time. There must be an extra layer of trust that has built beyond the initial layer. That extra trust cannot exist during the first session, or even the second one. It takes time & understanding nonvocal body queues, especially since everyone is different.