Recently, I made the decision to stop doing gaining specific clips, and most of the BBW content in general. It came at an excellent time; I had just been banned for life by a popular BBW forum because they never posted actual rules for what constituted as “uncensored” and I took it at face value. It’s rough, and I’ve seen My sales on Clips4Sale plummet since I made the decision and stop filming a lot of what My big “money maker” clips were for the past 2+ years.
I never wanted to gain the weight I put on in the past 2+ years. I’ve always been very happy with My extra chub, and it wasn’t until I started filming gaining videos that I actually started putting on so much weight so fast (aside from a period of being on antidepressants). It all started when I filmed a video with a friend and fellow model, where she acted as My doctor and tricked Me into gaining. The money was intoxicating, and it just kept coming with every BBW-centric clip I did. I was doing all these things that I wasn’t into just for some extra money… and none of them really made Me happy. I mean, they didn’t make Me mad or sad or anything really; I was completely apathetic to them. I like money, so that was really My only motivator.
Working in the fetish “industry” has opened up a lot of opportunities to explore Myself, My sexuality, and My kinks. I try to give everything a chance, though I ultimately try to avoid doing things I dislike, because why the fuck should I do things that I don’t enjoy, ya know? I don’t like gaining for Me. Other people can obviously do whatever makes them happy, but for Me, I’m not going to continue to do gaining clips or anything that gives Me a negative sense of self. That’s what gaining did to Me. It gave me a negative sense of self. That’s completely unacceptable to Me.
I am not a gainer. I do not want to be a gainer. In fact, I want to be a loser, because I’m at a point where I don’t want to clothes shop because nothing looks good on Me in My eyes. I have “skinny girl legs” with “fat girl waist up” and that makes clothes shopping hard if I want things like pants or jeans! I don’t like that. I’m a big fan of doing what makes people happy, regardless of size. And right now, I’m not happy with My size. When I got over 200lbs, I hit My breaking point… or I thought I did. But I didn’t do anything about it. That’s not enough for Me.
So, moving forward, if you didn’t see this original message on tumblr and twitter a few weeks back, I won’t be doing any gaining clips. I won’t be doing any on camera face stuffing/eating clips. I won’t be doing any weight humiliation clips. I’ll still feed others, and encourage others to gain, but I won’t be on the receiving end of things.
That means doing a bit of reinventing My own image. Which is fine, and something that’s been going on a lot since I made the announcement that I won’t be doing many of the BBW centric clips I’d started doing over the past few years. It’s scary and challenging and I’m noticing a huge drop in My income, but I’m going to work through it. I’ve got plans, but I’ll save that for another post 😉